"You think you're a grown up? I'm not done raising you yet!' - When life gives you tangerine
"You're too young to understand" - my brother
When my brother said the above to me, I thought for a second - I'm almost 27, is that still too young to understand the complexity of a failing relationship?
Later that night as I laid in bed, those words kept playing in my head. You see, every since I was young my brother had it's way with words, and not for the better. I like to think he's much better showing affection through actions like when he bought me The Hunger Game book series to cultivate my reading habit (at least I hoped that what was he was aiming for). Other than that, a lot of words that he said, was kept in my heart.
Self-reflecting, I thought to myself huh maybe I am young. What do I know about ending one's marriage? There's so many things I have not faced head on. If one of my parents passed away, how do I even grief? I can't even properly grief on leaving the job that I have wanted for so long. I just bury, pretend nothing happened. But what good does that do when years later I have to unpack my emotions.
Gillan, I wonder once I have proper solid job, with a car, a house and a loving husband - do I really feel like I was grown up? When I can just throw money at even the slightest inconvenience to make anyone's day better. I really want to renovate my parent's house to accommodate all of their stuff and buy quality kitchenware and electrical supplies so we don't have to rely on cheap substitutes.
How I feel so inadequate. I yearn to be better but it is so so hard right now. Why have I not cried over this? I want to cry.