school holiday started thus i am far from excited nor sad . its seems like doing things alone seems more appealing to me now . i don't even interact much . why am i telling this . i've come across to Cobain's suicide note which is just relates to me . "  I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child. " and it just hit me , its like a pang on the chest . I was born a sensitive-type of people . I cry easily , even if you hit me with your hand ill cry . but im not one of those stuck-up spoiled brats ( well at least i don't think i am ) . Throughout my school years , I have been surrounding myself with the wrong people , some of them manipulative , cold-hearted , straightforward basically people who makes me feel small and depressed . It was up to a point where i feel like , impressing these kind of people isn't worth a shot . Its always them , you know? it's like they don't even bother asking what's up . And , i don't know what the hell is wrong with me , some night i feel like wrapping myself in a blanket and silently weep and sometimes i feel like running a blade through my skin . It just makes me feel ... like uhm dead? . For now , i don't know what makes me happy , what keeps me sane , what maddens me , what destroyed me . it seems like i can't find the answer , maybe i won't .