I've been wanting to write this letter ever since you drove me back to tanjung malim whilst a good chunk of klang valley was in a flood. When I wanted to make sure if you were okay with sending me and that I feel bad for making you drive, you said something along the line of "but this is how you feel loved, right?" It is.

Yesterday you asked me why do I like you, to which I answered I feel like you just know when to touch me, to reassure me and to engulf me in your hold. Remember when I shared quotes that I found from tumblr? it was moments before you read the letter you wrote for me. It's a quote from Richard Siken "If you love me, you don't love me in a way I understand" and then another one is an excerpt from Anne Carson that goes like this "I supposed you do love me, in your way" I said to him one night close to dawn when we were laying on the narrow bed. "And how else should I love you - in your way?" he asked. I am still thinking about that. 

Before you, I've had very intense kind of 'love', the kind where it was like one of those relationship goals post you see on the internet and the kind where everyone knows the gist of the relationship because it was publicised. It was loud, rapid and it burned out. short-lived. I was afraid of pacing too fast because of this - like how I mentioned to you before.

I just...want a quiet sort of love now.

In a manner of Etta James's song, I want a Sunday kind of love or Johnny Cash's definition of paradise - "This morning, with her, having coffee" 

Maybe before you, I mistaken my infatuation with being in love. Maybe I never really did have a clear idea of it too. But Yan Xuan, maybe I'll never understand what kind of love is this as well

but I like it when it's like this, when it's with you.

I hope you will know what it's like to be in love one day, 

and hopefully.. you can find love in me somehow :)

yours sincerely,

yuzu