Hello Gillan,

I have come again to rant to you about my profusely pounding head. I'm just going to blabber, clearing my head, hopefully it makes me feel better.

What's bothering me at this point?

To be honest, a lot of things. Let's start with one. My friends are progressing in their life, getting masters/consistently going to work (I said consistently because I have...trouble committing to work for a long period of time, so I admire people who do go to work consistently) and in general, getting their life together. To be frank, I've felt a tiny gap between me and my friends already or am I just being paranoid... it's like the look they gave me...or how they constantly make plans but what can I do? I don't have enough money to talk about planning stuff - even if it's just a mere talk.

I could sit like a sad idiot and wallow up in sadness, but that's affecting how I treat people. I know I have to get myself to be better so I could be up to par as them but Gillan,

has that time for our friendship to drift apart, arrived?

People grew apart and I, knew that. or is it just time for me to move away from them and probably slightly feel better? sometimes I feel like, there will be a point where we could be never as close as we were as we move more and more into adulthood - where it gets lonelier. 

I applied for jobs (even though I have wrote several times before on how I don't think I'll work or be suitable enough with people again)

But I have to make a decision after all. Staying in this home is stable because I don't have to pay for rent nor my food expenses but I can feel like I'm regressing back to my old state. Scared to try new stuffs, doubting everything and not having a purpose in life. I'm getting older, even tho 24 is still young to some people.. I would like to work on being financially independent. I want to be able to make plans or buy gifts for my friends & family, treat them food once in while, or have a solid savings or even afford to get health checkups. 

What is real adulting anyway?

What age do you figure that out, Gillan?