and what more, a death of a friend. 

a day before ramadan, my friend luqman passed away after years of battling with cancer. The last conversation we had was when I posted a picture of cornflake madu (and asking people to post a picture of jungwoo if they want some". He was also the only person who actually posted a photo of jungwoo in return for free brownies. I can't even make it for him. My guts told me to offer to send to his house but I thought maybe.. he wanted space. 

when nabilah told me you passed away... I couldn't believe it. I thought you're gonna make it, how selfish was I to think of that when I have never asked how you were doing. I thought you'll be here still, and I'll give you the brownies and you'll give me a cooking yours (just like how we planned) But seeing your body slowly lowering down into the ground, and how the white fabric covered your tall frame and seeing your mother wailed, you were really gone. 

luqman, 

now that you're no longer here living, I wonder what are you doing now in the afterlife. I wish you're not suffering anymore with the pain. Maybe you could actually be beside me in spirit and probably thinking what the fuck am I writing (or you'd probably laugh at me) I wish I can ask what actually happens after you're dead..only the dead knows that right? do you go through the several of stage after death like how we were taught or are you actually just resting in peace. I hope for the latter. 

I wasn't close to you. Nabilah's introduced you to our group and since then, you've been a part of us especially when we go for makan-makan. I remembered Nabilah telling us that you don't like lamb, but when Nabilah hosted her famous bbq nights, you started liking it. I was watching vlogs that Nabilah made, when we were singing high school musical's soundtrack as we wait for our grilled lamb, those were happy times. You would sometimes send me back home and you never let it be a quiet ride, you always start a conversation. I appreciate that even though we're not close.

Your absence is going to be felt in every gathering we have soon,

that's how big your presence was. 

rest in heaven, luqman.